A Journey from Victim to Victor
Many people spend their lives blaming others and circumstances for their chronic unhappiness. You don’t have to be one of them. You can release the role of the victim, the betrayed and the abandoned. Stop using your painful past to vindicate the imperfections that don’t need an explanation. Being human is your gift to this world. The moment you embrace this, you can move forward with grace and dignity. You can become the victor.
Yes, some people have been through horrible things and some people have been abused. Yes, some people grew up in unhealthy environments in which they had no control or power. Some people have been victims of heinous crimes in which they had no choice. I am not referring to these situations. And, even if you are one of these people, and I speak from experience, you don’t have to stay the victim. That doesn’t have to be who you are.
You don’t have to continue creating this cycle over and over again in your life. There is a solution, and the solution is you.
If you continuously find yourself in toxic relationships, if you feel abandoned over and over again, or if you constantly think that you were treated unfairly and people are out to get you, it’s not real. You are not a victim. You have choices and there is a solution.
No matter how much someone else loves you, that love will not save you; you have to save yourself.
If you are creating the same reality over and over again in your life, stop looking around and look at yourself. I am not saying this to be mean or judgmental, for I have been there. I am saying this because with everything I have inside of me I want you to build a better life for yourself. I want you to find the happiness that you deserve. And I know that you can, if and only if you accept the fact that you are responsible for your life.
As long as you accept the role of the victim, happiness and fulfillment will evade you.
If you feel that you are always the victim and you are brave enough to get honest with yourself, there are many things you can do to get out of victim mentality. As soon as you start down the road of self-inquiry and improvement, you will find countless tools, books, resources, and mentors. The answers are all there waiting for you to make the decision to change your life and give yourself the love you so desperately need.
Here are a few tips to get you started.
- Know the difference between being a victim and being a willing participant. When someone gives you valuable information about themselves via an action, behavior or words that hurt you, you have the option to either set a boundary and stand in it or walk away. If they continue to treat you poorly and you continue to participate, you are not a victim. You have chosen to participate after knowing the type of relationship this person has to offer. At this point, you are not a victim and can no longer blame the other person. Whether you think you can change them or help them, decide it is not “too bad”, choose to wait around for them to wake up and treat you better, or have other life circumstances that contribute to your choice, continuing the relationship is your decision. You are not a victim. You are a willing participant.
- Stop taking everything personally. People can only give you the same amount of love and respect that they have for themselves. Usually, when someone hurts you, it is because they are hurting. This is not your fault. It actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Taking this on and making it about you is a huge part of victim mentality and will keep you caught in an endless loop of trying to change yourself in order to fix other people. It never works. And, the more you try to be “better” in hopes that others will treat you well, the more you will feel like the victim.
- Stop taking responsibility for other people’s issues. Yes, you can help others. Yes, you can be a light in the darkness. Yes, you can love. But you cannot take on other people’s problems as your own. This behavior does not serve you or them. The best thing anyone can do for themselves is to accept responsibility for their life, their choices, and their healing. You are not helping other people to do this by taking responsibility for their issues.
I know that all of these concepts sound harsh. Unfortunately, this fact is a statement to how far off we have gone collectively, into the world of victimhood. Many of us have done great work on ourselves in order to practice accepting some of the harsh facts of life, only to find that they were never that harsh in the first place. They are empowering, liberating and freeing. And, the more we accepted these facts, the more our lives improved. The more we practice these principles, the more we are able to truly help others.
With all the love in my heart, I wish you the best. May your pain be filled with passion and your wounds be healed with love. You are the answer.
Written by Holly Kellums
Written by Holly Kellums
Originally published on Medium.com